I’ve {hoped} for someone like you. So, I changed a lyric, but this was the song the hubbs and I made our first dance. We both loved this song, but more, we knew that we were it for each other. I said many times after divorcing my first husband that I would never get married again. I said it often. I said it loud. I said it to anyone who would listen. But, I had a very, very bad experience in that relationship. When I met the hubbs, I often refer to him as the other half to my whole. He is what made me whole. To quote an incredibly cheesy line from a movie I think we all know, “You had me at hello.” I knew right away he was the person for me. I think he felt the same, because within a month he mailed me a Ring Pop (for the holidays) and said it was until he could get me a real ring. What can I say? The man has his moments. Remember, we met online, so I didn’t meet him until about a month after he had sent me the Ring Pop.

I was talking to a friend today about the idea I have been working on my doctoral thesis and if you have read any of my work you probably have heard me talk about the idea of disposable vs. forever relationships. My working thesis is The State of Relationships in Modern Society: Disposable vs Forever Relationships. In any case, this is someone who is quite a bit older than I am (I won’t say HOW MUCH out of deep respect for him) but, he has been married for a long, long time. I think 30 something years. So, naturally, I’m always curious when someone tells me this what their take/experience with relationships are and I questioned him. He replied to me, I’m an old- fashioned kind of guy. I believe I made a commitment and I’m going to see that commitment through. Beginning with the free-love movement, the divorce rate began to rise, and rise, and rise.

Is a move back to old-fashioned values what we need? I don’t know if that is necessarily true, although he would summarily disagree with me on this point. I think we’ve come a long way baby and we shouldn’t go backwards. However, looking for a significant other, which is what dating is, should not be approached like “a good first husband” or someone to take care of them. Marriage should not be entered into out of desperation, immaturity, or lustful desire. Marriage should be entered into because you have found that person you wanna go through life with, the awesome and the shit.

Because that’s what marriage is.

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Anna Levenson-Pintrest