I’m not quite sure why, because I’m sure he didn’t play the same song over and over for hours, this song always reminds me of my dad (step-dad). Perhaps, because the piano part in it is so lovely, this must have been one of this favorites, but I heard this song almost every day from when I was 10 on. Neville, my step-dad, who married my mother after my father passed away (Lost loved ones.) and remained married to her until I was almost 30. He has definitely been the overriding male influence in my life.

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Maybe the most difficult job there is. 

Last month, we found out he had to have emergency stents put in place. It is pretty scary for me and I wasn’t doing well at all, at the prospect of losing that influence, my dad, the second time. Luckily, there were no complications, he went home but had to be admitted to a rehabilitation hospital for the last month or so. My mom was kinda enough to offer to have my 11 year old and I come stay with them (they live about 3-4 hours from my step-dad). One day we would go over and stay for a bit and come back to their place. It was super nice of her, especially since we haven’t always had the best relationship. Plus, I was in desperate need of a vacation. Sadly, the hubbs couldn’t take off work, but I’m guessing he had a little vacation of his own. 😉

In any case, I’ve written about my mother a lot and I’ve devoted posts to my mom, and my kids, and the hubbs, but never my step-dad. When I was 9, my dad passed away, but I count myself lucky. My brother, who was only 3, has no memories of our father, nothing concrete. Just stories passed down. He and my mother got together and married. He told us he wasn’t there to replace our dad or the memory of our dad, but he was always there for us. I still remember the first gift he bought me. He went into a store and said, I need a gift for an 11 year old girl. (lol) The great thing was he was honest about it, he told me the story. It was so sweet because it reminded me we were both kind of just winging it. But, it also let me know, I was important to him. That’s how he continued as a presence in my life. He wasn’t really sure of the “right” way, we were just doing the best we could.

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Thanks to him I always chat people up in a line. Maybe with a little story or a hello or a comment : it doesn’t matter. He taught me to try and show kindness in everything I do, even with strangers. The lil bit often comments, “Mommy, you make friends everywhere you go!” Adorable! Because of him, I knew what I wanted in a step-dad and for what to look. Because of him, my children had the benefit of having a step-dad in the best way possible. Holding a relationship together isn’t always feasible. Finding the best person to bring into your children’s life is. So know what you’re looking for and think of the long term impact your new relationship will have on the children.

And I’m extremely happy to report, my dad went home Monday!

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Since I have so desperately missed psychology, I have decided to add tele-therapy sessions to my repertoire and you can find that webpage at Self-Actualization Therapy. It will be more clinical psychology and less personal but I would LOVE to see you all there!!

 

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