That is the promise we made, back in the day. We told each other it wouldn’t be this way-Papa Roach

As I wrote yesterday’s article for Self-Actualization Therapy, I thought of not only the idea of tit-for-tat in arguments, but also the compromise necessary in any relationship. I think I can illustrate this much more easily with my relationship with the hubbs, and since it’s Sunday, I’m only going to be providing content on my personal site here.

I’ve often heard the complaint from partners they don’t have sex as often, or too often. This is a conversation that you need to have with your significant other (SO) asap. Libras, as the hubbs and I both are, are big on fairness and equality in all things. We carry this over into our relationship. I mean a relationship, a proper, loving, fulfilling, relationship is one big compromise at it’s heart.

That’s right. Which do you value?

You can’t have both in a relationship. I think a lot of people enter into a marriage thinking one of two things: They’ll change or I can change them. Both are wrong. I’m telling you this out of love. People don’t change unless they want to and make a really big effort. However, if you find that person who is willing to not change for you, but compromise for you, well then you’ve got gold on your hands.

 

A common compromise is our house is sex. If the hubbs instigates one night, the responsibility falls to me the next time. I say responsibility, but sex should NEVER be viewed as a responsibility. It’s part of your relationship and a very important part at that. When we were first together, we used to use sex in bets, but it quickly became a chore and that’s no fun for anyone. So, we decided to never do that again! Since we’re getting toward middle-age, my sex drive is climbing while the hubbs is taking the stairs down. Not a fantastic combination, but he knows its important to me. So he makes the effort that I get enough sexual healing, as well as lots of snuggling. He could probably do without as much of either, but this is our compromise. Because he knows this is what I need from him, he is more than happy to provide it.

rainbows compromise

You cannot make any one thing your partners total responsibility without one of you eventually feeling resentment or irritation or a host of other emotions (remember, anger is just a veil for other emotions). Dinner is another good example. The hubbs enjoys cooking, as do I, but neither of us want to do ALL the work. Therefore, if I cook, he cleans, and vice versa.

This is a tit-for-tat where everyone wins!

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Since I have so desperately missed psychology, I have decided to add tele-therapy sessions to my repertoire and you can find that webpage at Self-Actualization Therapy. It will be more clinical psychology and less personal but I would LOVE to see you all there!!