But felt so lonely in your company, But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember -Gotye ft. Kimbra (sorry for the length of the story!) 

For number 6 on our little handy writing prompt list, found here, is to talk about the hardest thing we’ve ever experienced. For those of you have have followed my travails in life, you may think being in a wheelchair for 6 months after a surgery that was supposed to keep me down for a few days might have been particularly difficult. You would be right, but it wasn’t the most difficult thing I’ve experienced. When the hubbs and I had difficult times and we split up for a short time, you might think that was the hardest thing, but part of me knew it wasn’t the end.

Hands down the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced in my life was leaving my ex-husband. He is an angry person, something his following two wives would certainly agree to as well. He’s living with a lady who will likely be number 4, but I don’t write this to be catty. I write it to examine an absolutely terrible time in my life. My ex-husband could be a great guy, funny and he was always a wonderful father to our children, which is what made my decision to leave so very difficult. I knew he wasn’t going to make it easy on me and I knew I was going to be in for a bumpy ride, with 3 and 5 year old children. It was going to be a bumpy ride.

This was something I had been tossing around for quite a while. In fact, I had begged my ex to go to counseling with me many, many times. He always refused, until I started packing, and by then it was just too late. My ex and his family are Southern Baptist. This is an extremely religious sect of Christianity with no drinking, no dancing: think Amish, without the beards and buggies. So, one night we were one the way to church, with the little ones in the backseat. It was raining and my ex was fiddling with the radio and started to veer off to the side a bit. Since he was looking down, I alerted him by putting a hand on his arm and I said honey, honey. His reaction was to begin screaming that he was driving and he knew what he was doing and he could even swerve the car back and forth (punctuated by him ACTUALLY swerving the car back and forth) and we would be just fine. Of course, by then the kids were crying and terrified.

We got the church and he dropped the kids and I off by the Sunday School area. It took me almost 30 minutes to get the kids calmed down enough that they would go into Sunday School. I went into the service and sat down next to my ex, who took my hand and smiled at me…. as if nothing had happened. I was blown away. To him, it was nothing. I was nothing. We were nothing. We were his and if we didn’t like it, too bad. It was devastating. I thought, if one day my daughter grows up and thinks its okay for a man to treat her this way or if my son grows up to think its okay to treat his wife this way it will be my fault. So, the next day, I started packing. I took my clothes, the kids clothes, some toys, and a T.V. He told me if I left and wanted the children, I could take them, but nothing else. I was okay with that. He got what was important to him and I got what was important to me.

And I’ve never looked back once.

 

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