I don’t know why I cry, but I think it’s cause I remembered for the first time
Since I hated you, that I used to love you~Gwen Stefani

I love Gwen Stefani, like worship-approaching maybe. Like my GAVIN would have been GWEN were he a girl. Then Gavin went and turned into a schmuck (jerk). Thanks dude. Anyhow…

While reading this post on Must Be This Tall To Ride, I couldn’t help but expound on what he said. He talks about what to do in order to help his own child avoid divorce. First of all, talking about it is the first step. One of the many thing I talked with my brother about (check out this post from a few days ago if you missed it) was that now that our mother has reached marriage number 6, there comes a point when you must realize this is your fault too! People don’t just fall into 6 marriages. My older two children’s father has been married 3 times and is now living with a 4th women. Suffice it to say, the hubbs and I are shocked he isn’t remarried, even though they are living together so for all intensive purposes might as well be married. There comes a point where you have to realize you are part of the problem too. I would have loved to have only been married once. Sadly, this was not to be true (Don’t be sorry about my divorce), but I have learnt to improve on what I had this time. This is it for me and for him (the hubbs). Honestly, had I not been running away from my mother, I likely would have never married my ex, but without him I wouldn’t have two of the best things that ever happened to me, so I can’t exactly be completely sorry.

If you don’t WANT a divorce, you have to DECIDE you don’t want a divorce. He’s got it right that children of divorce are more likely to get divorced. The fact that he knows he messed up and he’s trying to make sure his kids don’t make the same mistake is important and a part of self-actualization. My dad (by this I mean my step-dad, who raised me from 10 years old) calls it a 12 step program (he goes to Al-Anon). The hubbs and I actually had an argument the other day because he made an offhand comment about something that happened when we were apart. It was only like six weeks, but it was the most terrible six weeks of my life. I wanted it to be the most terrible six weeks of HIS life too. I mean I think it was pretty awful for him too, but he’s a quiet kind of guy so terrible for him looks different than terrible to me. So, I asked him why would it be so difficult for him to just put his arms around me and say I didn’t intend for this or that to effect you in such a way? He replied, that’s how I was raised. I said, if I reacted how I was raised I’d by yelling by now. That’s what happens when you grow up. You realize that how you were raised may not have been the best way. You realize you want to be better than that, different than that.

At least I do.

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