I had a friend, a very sweet lady, but she had been abused in just about every relationship she was in and it made her terribly skittish. You can easily see her wounds, but more over than the physical wounds are the emotional wounds. My ex was a very careful person. He almost never put his hands on me, but I spent my life walking on eggshells. I mean how fucked up is that that my comment is “almost never.” It should be NEVER NEVER.

One night, one the way to church of all places, it was raining and my ex began to drift while messing with the radio. I said, Honey, honey to draw his attention. He started swerving the car back and forth and yelling that he knew what he was doing, while our 3 and 5 year olds were in the back seat.Once we got to church (I’ve mentioned before I am Pagan and I was raised Jewish so to clarify, I went for him), it took me almost a half an hour to calm the children down. I walked into the service and he grabbed my hand and smiled at me, just like nothing had happened. I thought to myself, This is lunacy!! If my daughter grows up to think its okay someone treat her this way, it would be MY fault. If my son grew up thinking it was okay to treat his wife that way, it would be MY fault. So, I started packing then very next day……

Even so, I had flashbacks and it took a while for me to realize I deserved something better. I know that he treated his second wife in the same manner because we became friends and she told me. It led her to escape with painkiller medication and while she was in rehab, he had an affair with his third wife, whom he’s now divorced from currently. If you are living a life like this, if you are walking on eggshells, if you don’t want to have your children grow up thinking abuse is okay, I implore you to get out now! He (or she) isn’t going to change and you will become more miserable every day. There is an amazing company, I’ve written about them before here, who will move you for free. There are shelters and people who can help you.

Don’t give up because you don’t deserve it, no one does.

Twitter: @AnnaLevensonPsy, Instagram: AnnaLevensonPsy, Facebook: Anna Psy Levenson

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