Times go by, seems to me you could have been a better friend to me, Mama, I’m coming home…I could be right, I could be wrong….Turned around by the fire in your eyes, I’ve seen your face 1,000 times, I don’t care about sunshine, cuz Mama, I’m coming home. –Ozzy Osbourne
I find Mother’s Day difficult for a couple of reasons. Since I had a challenging, at best, relationship with my mother for the first 39 years of my life and since I became a mother so young myself (Yes, I was married. No, I wasn’t pregnant when I got married. Just young and stupid), motherhood is a tie in my life that bends and bends and twists and turns. I don’t suppose difficult is necessarily the right word, but it definitely is a loop without end. I went from being a child to being a mother in one fell swoop. To top it off, my mother and my relationship changed somewhere around when I entered into the teenage years. My father passed away when I was 9 (Lost loved ones.). She remarried my amazing step dad about a year later. It was fast, but my mother was from a time when women weren’t alone. If they were alone, it was terrible. My mother is a funny, loving, wonderful, exasperating, challenging, and even sometimes exhausting woman. And so am I.
As I grow older I begin to understand her more and as she gets older she begins to realize I am an adult. A couple of years ago, I said to my mother that she loved me, but I never felt she liked me very much. It was something I didn’t really want to admit, but it was the truth, and a turning point in our relationship I think. The last time she came back home (she lives in Florida now) and we got to visit, it was the first time I truly enjoyed every second of her visit. I’m not sure who changed, me or her, or perhaps both at the same time, but I am glad we did. Technically, I believe Ozzy wrote this song for Sharon, his wife, but neither here nor there, the sentiment is still true. I’ve often said the best thing we can hope for our kids is that we don’t fuck them up too much. The hubbs is a great dad and has been an amazing step-dad to my oldest two children. Like I have a wonderful step dad, I strove to find that for them. The things my mother did that I didn’t agree with growing up, I did them differently. The things the hubbs didn’t like in his parents, we try to change now.
As for the three beautiful children that turned me into a mother, I never thought I would be so lucky. My children are beautiful, and smart, and polite, and accepting, and loving, and so very special. I said many times when we were deciding to have a child (the hubbs and I) that I was scared he would be a nightmare because I was so blessed with my first two. This, of course, was not true and all was well. All three, happy babies, relatively relaxed, grew into lovely young adults (although the youngest is barely a teenager) and my oldest is about to make me a grandmother (I know I’m not THAT old.) He and his wife are in the Air Force in South Dakota right now. I’m a bit concerned that he got married so young (21), but that’s mostly because my marriage at 18 was such a colossal failure. His wife is a sweet, tiny thing, adorable and ready for a nice life (she had a bit of a tough time growing up). He’s a solid kind of kid and if anyone could make a relationship work against odds, it will be him. My daughter lives in the city we do, but with her boyfriend of 2 years. He is great to her and I’m thrilled she has a boy that treats her so well. She’s just begun school for nursing and I’m so excited to see what life has in store for her. My youngest, only 11, is turning into such a fun person. He has ADHD and, especially when I have my frequent migraines, I can have a shorter fuse so we have speed bumps, but they’re usually over quickly. He loves video games and I hate them, but they hold his attention like many things cannot.Since he’s so much younger than his siblings (they were 9 and 11 when he was born), it’s often like he has four parents. The result is he talks to adults like an adult, which is pretty adorable.
I figure I’m not fucking them up too much, so I’m chalking up the win!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, step-moms, adoptive moms, and even those that are only moms in their love of another person’s child. Have a wonderful day!