Hot on the heels of the popular J is for Jiggly Bits (AC), another favorite British-ism of mine, Randy. It means, Amerianly speaking, horny. What is a couple to do when their sex drives don’t line up? What do you do if your partner, your SO (significant other), is hornier than you are? What if they want sex more than you do? Or what if, depressingly, they want less?

A friend of mine has told me that his wife doesn’t enjoy sex and they rarely have it. When I remarked how sad that was to me, he replied, “Well, I love her and I’ve got two good hands.” That doesn’t sound very fulfilling to me. I want to have a marriage and a sexually fulfilling relationship with my SO, that’s what a forever relationship is about. A forever relationship is agreeing to be there for each other, whatever the other person might need. Have there been times the hubbs or I initiated sex when the other didn’t want it? Sure, but if one of us has to turn down the other, we make a point to be the one to initiate at the very next opportunity. We aren’t lackadaisical about our sex life. We understand that it takes effort and we are willing to put that effort into our sex life.

What if you are unhappy with the randiness of your SO? As with everything else in sex, communication is key. If you wish you had sex more, go to your SO, in a non-threatening, non-sexual way and let them know that. What if you don’t feel great right then. Say you’re not feeling great, but then make the point to let your SO know you will make it up to them. Then, here’s the kicker, make it up to them! Treat others as you want to be treated goes for sex too!

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