Fetishes and kink have been around for hundreds of years.The Marquis de Sade (1740-1814) is best known for his erotic works. They focused on philosophical issues and included thoughts on pornography and sexual fantasies involving violence and criminality. The word sadist or sadism are derived from the Marquis de Sade, perhaps one of the most famous sadists.

I was thinking of coming up with a study about sexual fantasies, so I had been doing some research in this area. I was surprised at the vanilla nature of many people’s fantasies. Things like oral sex or having  their SO (significant other) masturbate them or watch them masturbate. The Journal of Sexual Medicine did a study on sexual kinds and fetishes, similar to mine. They found this (all numbers rounded to the nearest whole number):

                                              Fetish/Kink                                         Females                    Males

  • Being Dominated                                                         64%                         53%
  • Rape Fantasy                                                                 29%                         31%
  • Being Masturbated (hand job/fingering) w/SO  71%                          71%
  • ”   ” by an acquaintance                                              37%                        64%
  • Make a sex tape/take pictures                                   32%                        44%
  • Spanking                                                                          36%                        28%
  • Tied up/Bondage                                                            52%                        46%
  • Being the Dominator                                                    47%                       60%
  • Ejaculating on your partner (for men)                    N/A                        80%
  • Anal Sex                                                                            32%                        64%
  • Homosexual sex (for heterosexual)                         37%                        21%
  • Interracial Sex                                                                 27%                       61%
  • Sex in an unusual place                                                82%                       82%
  • Sex with a fetish object                                                26%                       28%
  • Sex with a prostitute or stripper                               12%                        40%
  • Sex with an animal                                                           3%                       2.2%
  • Sex with a movie star                                                      52%                      62%
  • Sex with 2 men                                                                  31%                      45%
  • Sex with 2 women                                                            37%                      85%
  • Sex in a romantic location                                             85%                      78%
  • Swinging/Partner swap with friends                         27%                      40%
  • Swinging with strangers                                                18%                       42%
  • Having sex outdoors                                                        57%                       66%
  • Being urinated on (golden shower)                              4%                        10%
  • Group sex, 3+ all men                                                      49%                       73%
  • Group sex, 3+ all women                                                25%                         75%
  • Group sex, 3+ both men and women                          57%                         16%
  • Sex with someone older                                                  34%                        48%
  • Sex with someone younger                                            18%                         57%

The most common fantasies for women are having being dominated, sex where someone can see them (exhibitionism), and being with another woman. The most common fantasies for men are voyeurism (watching someone else have sex), getting caught in the act, sex with a virgin,and sex with a prostitute. Some fantasies men and women have in common are sex with a total stranger, sex in an exotic locale, threesomes and/or group sex, role play, and either being a stripper or being with a stripper.

So, how do you communicate with your SO (significant other) if you are interested in trying something a little more out of the box. For a great article on sexual communication, check out this one. Bottom line, if you are having sex with someone, you should be able to communicate with them about sex. Pick a time, maybe over a nice dinner together, and in a non-threatening, relaxed way bring up your desire. Odds are your SO will be willing to try some of the things you would like to try. Sharing this with your SO can actually bring you closer together, opposed to scaring them off or whatever your fear might be.

Let your kink flag fly!