I was talking to a friend today about my relationship with the hubbs. I made the comment, while talking about one my favorite subjects and upcoming doctoral dissertation, disposable relationships, that neither of us worried the other would cheat. Some have told me this is just my dim view of the world, but most say wow. I said that the hubbs trusts me. He knows that I would never cheat on him. He knows that cheating on me would be a serious deal-breaker for me and things would never be the same. More than that, I don’t believe he would ever hurt me that way. It happened with his ex and it was pretty rough. My friends reaction was man he must sleep good at night! He meant that the hubbs had a security that he didn’t have and I’m sure a lot of people don’t have either.
Bottom line: Our relationship is not disposable and we will continue to work on it. If we wanted to be with other people, we would. We have both been divorced and we realized that sometimes it is the only answer. In fact, my divorce is possibly the best decision I’ve made in my life. I would bet he feels the same. This point, having an affair, is an absolute sticking point for us both and it is probably the only thing from which we would not recover. I say that now, but I know many couples who have managed to get over an affair and continue a loving marriage. I’m not sure how and, knowing myself, I don’t know if I could overcome this. This is also why I am a big proponent of sowing your oats, so to speak. The hubbs and I had our share of others privates, but by the time we met, we were ready to be with each other and each other only.
When you’re ready to settle with one person, it doesn’t matter what you call it (marriage, partnership, domestic, mates), it matters that you commit to it. I am committed 100% and so is the hubbs and that kind of security can’t be bought, but it does have to be earned.
Anna DrRuth ForToday- facebook
linusbaby1998- tumblr (an homage to a very very old screen name lol)