Ode to a sex dream (yes I know, poetry doesn’t have to rhyme, but I was having fun! heehee)
Ah, sex dream
A more enjoyable way to catch zzz’s I have not found
You always know what I need and desire, profound
So why do you make us feel so guilty?
A Freudian argument, its true.
But you’re all in my head
Allow me to enjoy you in bed!
People spend so much time feeling guilty over sexual thoughts. Years ago, a friend of mine, who was dating one of my good friends, started working with a girl to whom he was very attracted. As I cautioned him on the wisdom of throwing away a good relationship for a moment. He replied that he could see a pretty painting on the wall, but he didn’t have to take it down. Well played, sir. But seriously, it is true. We are all entitled to our own private thoughts, even the lusty ones. The trouble comes when thoughts turn into actions. Nevertheless, we often feel incredibly guilty about these thoughts. Especially sex dreams, which happen in your unconscious. You couldn’t stop them if you tried so cut yourself some slack!
Everyone who masturbates (read: everyone! and don’t lie because you know you do!) has a “spank bank,” couples have their list of celebrities they can have sex with if they were to meet them. Why? Because they are fantasties, unattainable, and, therefore, safe. Sex dreams are no different. So, next time you have one, enjoy it! Guilt-free!! This is your pass. Above all, keep communicating with your partner. What if you have a dream about a fantasy that you want to turn into a reality? Why is that something that you couldn’t talk to your partner about, because who knows, they may be really into it!!
I have a friends in the BDSM community who are unhappy with the release of the 50 shades of grey movie and I know a lot of women who felt Christian (the male lead) was abusive, the books were awfully written and smut. If you live in this world, you’ve likely heard many of your own opinions and friends opinions. Personally, what I believe is that Ana (the female lead) was a young, inexperienced girl who found herself enjoying something that she felt was “wrong” and her coming to terms with that. I think it touches on a lot of these issues, but is in no way supposed to be a comprehensive account of two peoples lives, nor is it supposed to be much more than literary entertainment.
That being said, Ana battles with getting involved with this life. But, not only that, she enjoys it. And she worries if there is something wrong with her because she enjoys it. I say to you that anything mutually agreed to in advance (or even at the time) is okay. Who can tell you that your desires are wrong? Just because you don’t (or do) want to be tied up, or spanked, it does not mean you are a prude or a slut (http://www.unslutproject.com/) because none of that has a place in your bedroom!! Give yourself the freedom to be you and not be guilty about it. Especially in such an important area of your life, don’t cheat yourself.
Anna Levenson, BPS, MS Psy