One of the great mysteries in life is why do we treat the people we love the worst? Because we know they will forgive us. This goes double for your partner. When you know the person you are with truly loves you, you feel freer to say those awful things that you should never say. It’s a catch-22 really. The most important thing in your relationship is to learn to turn off anger when you want to be turned on. Sometimes, as my hubbs will be first to attest, irritation and annoyance can come simply from not having sex for a few days. So what happens when those days turn into weeks, months, or even years? It’s necessary to learn how to separate sex from anger.
Sometimes, you might want to strangle each other. The reason is not important. What is important is to put this into perspective and learn how to turn that around. I remember an old tv show that we used to love called Dharma and Greg. In one episode, straight laced Greg walks into hippie Dharma’s parents house and catches them having sex. They had been arguing and he is blown away by the fact that they can have sex, and still be angry. I find this is really the best way to have a relationship. It is easy to argue over something stupid, but much more difficult to hold onto this anger if you are still having sex. Why? There are a few reasons. Sex releases happy hormone Oxytocin, which also contributes to those loving feelings. It releases pain relieving hormones, called endorphins, which help you feel better and even sleep better.
As my hubbs is quick to point out if I can’t sleep or have a migraine, sex can cure it! I guess that’s what happens when you’re married to a scientist. I was trying to take a nap the other day and I just couldn’t. So I called in my favorite nap-producer, my wonderful man, for an afternoon tryst. I mean even if I didn’t nap, we were both still happy! It doesn’t have to be a big production, hour-long sack session (thank you Cosmo for all the 100 words we can use to describe sex!). You just have to get to that big “O.” This is why knowing your own body is important during a time like this. If you know what it takes to get yourself there, it is a hundred times easier to help someone get you there. Now, these hormones aren’t released in large quantities unless you do have an orgasm, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still feel great and you can’t just have a great time. Take the pressure off and just have fun. After all, it’s not work, it’s for enjoyment and fun. We were created to enjoy sex. Even my ex’s very religious mother shocked me once by confessing she didn’t know why her sister-in-law acted like sex was a chore. She quite enjoyed sex with her husband, my then father in law. So to that I say, Go girl!! (with a side of TMI!)
So next time you wanna say not tonight, I have a headache…. Say let’s go!!